(The Twelve Ways of Christmas, Part 1: The Way of Surrender)
Journal entry – December 10 – Today I leave my family and the security of the familiar. I go to have questions answered, knowing that I may only come away with more questions than answers. I go to be healed, knowing that the process will carry me through more pain than perhaps I have ever known. I go to learn how to break the cycle of false intimacy and shame, knowing that the price for this so-called “true intimacy” may mean the disruption of every significant relationship I have. But go I must. I have covered some of my confusion in lies just to get to this point. My defenses have been forced to surrender, even as my addictive personality continues to cry out, “I want to live!” I go to get “well” today. And I’ve never been more frightened in my life.
Darla White stares at a random spot on the wall of her new home-away-from-home – a two-bed, dorm-style room where she is the only resident for now. Past the denial, beyond the multiple fantasies of suicide, the grief of losing her 11-year-old daughter, and the months of memories lost to alcohol and prescription drug addiction, Darla is a shell of the woman she once was.
Nobody’s calling her “Supergirl” now, she thinks sadly, as she catches a glimpse of her hollow expression in the mirror. And it’s just as well. [click to continue…]
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