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Human Nature

Help Wanted: Heroes

by Andy Wood on May 10, 2011

in Spoofs

“Thank you for calling TOPO Services International.  This is Brenda.”

“Hi, Brenda, this is Andy.  Have we spoken before?”

“Quite possibly, sir. I do get around.  And I have only been at TOPO for a couple of weeks.  Now how may I direct your call?”

“Let me talk to Human Resources.”

“I am sorry, sir, but everyone in that department is out to lunch this week.  I am taking their calls for them.  How may I help you?”

“I hear you’re taking applications for heroes.  I thought I’d check it out.”

“That is correct, sir.  We have permanent and temporary positions available.  Are you currently employed?”

“Well, sort of.  Would I have to relocate?”

“Not at all, sir.  That is what’s so wonderful about working with TOPO.  You can continue to do whatever it is you were doing.  We initiate the hero program in the comfort of your own lifestyle.  By the way, what is it you do?”

“I’m a professor, coach and consultant, and manage a couple of Christian nonprofit organizations.  And I used to be a pastor.”

“Excellent!  That has some real possibilities, especially now that you are no longer a pastor.  There are some questions I will have to ask, however.”

“Fire away.  But when you’re finished asking questions, I’ll still be a pastor at heart.”

“Of course, sir.  First question:  Are you a victim?” [click to continue…]

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Puppet Strings

by Andy Wood on January 14, 2011

in Five LV Laws,LV Cycle,Principle of Eternity,Protecting Your Investment

Seagulls: Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.
Nigel: Oh would you just shut up? You’re rats with wings.  (from “Finding Nemo”)

“Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night”  (Philippians 2:15, The Message) 

+++++++

Ever been haunted by words? 

I have.  Sometimes somebody expresses something so profoundly, so powerfully, that the power of their words lasts for years.

Randy Stonehill did that for me with a song he wrote 35 years ago, when I was a senior in high school.  In a couple of lines in one song, he described the desperation of the human condition.  The words and music still tear my heart out to this day: [click to continue…]

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Bobo Brown Saves Thanksgiving

by Andy Wood on November 22, 2010

in Insight,Spoofs

If you know my oldest-by-five-minutes daughter at all, you will eventually have the ex-Thanksgiving Conversation (XTC for short).  Carrie’s growing frustration is that in the rush to jump from Halloween to Christmas, the world has turned on Thanksgiving 

If you decide to hang your holly before you’ve baked your turkey, it may be a good idea to keep it to yourself.  Otherwise, if “Baby A” finds out about it, you may get The Look.  Or worse, execution-by-XTC.

So when we caravanned from Texas to Alabama this weekend for Thanksgiving, to Carrie, it was all about giving thanks.  And when we attended the Baptist church in Millry Sunday morning, Carrie became a shouting Baptist when Brother Billy talked about Thanksgiving being the Forgotten Holiday.

“Amen!  It’s about time!” she shouted.

Yes, I mean shouted (though she may take issue with my choice of terms).

Still a bit edgy and armed for early-Christmas bear, this led to more conversation.  How can we teach people to value Thanksgiving?  How can we turn the tide of obscene Christmas shopping, at least until the cranberry sauce is back in the fridge?  What can we do to capture the true meaning of what may be America’s most important holiday?

Deep stuff, friends.  Insight needed beyond my little pea brain.  This calls for the wisdom of Solomon, the intelligence of Einstein, and the people skills of Bill Clinton. 

“You’re in luck,” I proclaimed to the fam.  “It’s time to go over the river and through the woods!”

“But we’re already at Grandmother’s house,” said Cassie.

“Different river, different woods!” I exclaimed triumphantly.  “It’s time you met Bobo Brown.”  [click to continue…]

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Welcome to the Race of the Humans

by Andy Wood on September 9, 2010

in Uncategorized

I want to talk to you about something that for some people is pretty painful and scary.  Because of that, I want to say first that I am writing this in love.  I hope you can feel the love that compels me to say these things, even if they are difficult to receive or comprehend. 

If this isn’t for you, it’s for somebody you know.  Maybe you can pass it along.

The truth is, I am afraid for you.

As you look in the mirror, as you go forth into the world, and as you relate to others, you only know two views. 

You’re either a hero or a zero. 

You are either on a pedestal or in the sewer.  [click to continue…]

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Doughrise: Seven More Half-baked Ideas I’m Working On

by Andy Wood on February 27, 2010

in Half-baked Ideas

It’s time to break the silence.  So in a minute I’m going to tell you the most shameful, disgraceful thing I’ve ever done. Then I’m going to tell you the second most shameful, disgraceful thing I have ever done.  I’m not proud of either (hence the terms “shameful” and “disgraceful”), but in the spirit of James 5:16, there is healing to be found in honesty and vulnerability.  

More on that in a minute.  But first, here are seven new half-baked ideas that are still baking up in my oven… [click to continue…]

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The Sting and the Save

by Andy Wood on October 12, 2009

in Tense Truths

Okay, first watch the short video, then let’s talk. 

This is an adaptation of a story Henri Nouwen used to tell.  Voice, illustrations, direction by Allen Weathers…

YouTube Preview Image

Before the dawn of time as we know it, God foresaw.  [click to continue…]

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Guess What I Learned About Pastors in Thailand?

by Andy Wood on July 17, 2009

in Leadership,Life Currency,LV Alter-egos,Pleasers

achaan-wanOver the last two weeks, I have spent meaningful time with six different pastors who live 12 time zones away from me.  Each is uniquely gifted, varied in experience and have completely different assignments.  In the course of that time, I’ve seen and heard some things, learned some things, observed some things.  Here’s a sampling:

  • Each pastor has his own unique model or approach for ministry.
  • Each is convinced his ministry model is the right one, at least for him.
  • Each has questions or concerns, if not open criticism, about other models of ministry practiced by others.
  • Nearly every one of them has been hurt pretty deeply by people in Church World.

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From Robes to Rags

by Andy Wood on April 9, 2009

in Five LV Laws,Principle of Eternity

ragsRag.  Now there’s an every-day word.

Unsophisticated, earthy, almost guttural – rags are blue-collar, made-for-dirt, hidden-from-company kind of stuff.

We all have them, but some people go to considerable lengths to deny it.

“It’s not a wash rag, dear.  It’s a wash cloth.”

“Oh.  Yew not from around heah, are ya’?”

That t-shirt or those shorts you’re wearing?  Rags in the making.

I grew up with wash rags, shop rags, shoeshine rags, snot rags (my dad’s term), and dust rags.  “Dust cloths” were the property of Yankees and people from other parts of town. [click to continue…]

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The Trust

by Andy Wood on December 9, 2008

in Consumers,Life Currency,Love,LV Alter-egos,LV Cycle,Money,Protecting Your Investment,Turning Points

(A Turning Point Story)

Glavine

Glavine

It was something out of a Looney Toons episode.  The kind of thing you’ve heard about happening, never assumed would happen to you.

It happened to me.

I had gone away on a far journey and entrusted all my worldly goods to my wife and three kids, telling them we’d settle accounts when I got home.

Well, not exactly.

September 13, 2001 – Do the calendar math.  It was a surreal and vulnerable time. I was actually out of town on a consulting trip, when I got a call fairly early in the morning.  My twin daughters were calling, breathless with excitement.  Somebody had gotten the bright idea to leave a cardboard box in front of our house with two kittens inside.

“Daddy, can we keep ‘em, pleeze?  We’ll take care of them, and feed them, and clean up after them.  We promise.”

I wanted to kill them. [click to continue…]

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What if God Really Did Rent a Billboard?

by Andy Wood on March 24, 2008

in Insight,Life Currency

billboard.jpgHave you ever wished God would just make it easy?  That He would fly over your house in a blimp, or sky-write His will so that it was plain and obvious?  Have you ever envied the angel-set – those seemingly lucky (ahem – “blessed”) souls who had Michael or Gabriel drop by for tea and prophecy? 

A few years ago somebody in Jacksonville (I think) started a nationwide conversation with a series of billboard messages supposedly from God.  I’m sure you’ve seen some of them. (Example: “Which part of  ‘Thou Shalt Not’ do you not understand?” -God).  They were clever, sometimes convicting, sometimes sarcastic and funny.  But in case you were wondering, it really wasn’t God Himself who designed the ad campaign.

What if God really did rent a billboard?  Would it be easier, simpler, clearer to hear His voice?  I doubt it.

[click to continue…]

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