by Andy Wood on November 20, 2009
Tomorrow gun season begins for deer hunters in my home state. And what better way to celebrate than with another round of Hanukkah Hams! In case you’ve missed previous editions, allow me to explain. Hanukkah Hams are glorious acts of intelligence-gone-south. Ideas that seemed to make perfectly good sense at the time, but leave you asking, “Huh? What was I thinking?
In honor of my shotgun-totin’ four wheelin’ Bambi-chaser friends in Alabama and beyond, this edition of Hanukkah Hams takes to the woods or the marshes, the fields and even the lakes to remind you – the Second Amendment protects your right to bear arms. But thousands of other laws exist to protect the deer, the antelope, and apparently every other known species known to man.
And frankly, all of this gets confusing. I mean, really, did you actually read all those regulations when you got your license? I just look for the dates when the shells and fur can start flying.
What’s more, everything varies from state to state, and even region to region. So we here at the Hanukkah Hams Research Institute sought the help of a recognized expert.
Couldn’t find one of those.
So we checked with local Game Warden Burney Fife, who seemed to have a surprising amount of knowledge on the subject. Here’s an excerpt from our interview: [click to continue…]
by Andy Wood on November 13, 2009
“Thank you for calling Killinger, Meeks, and Nowlin. This is Brenda. How may I direct your call?”
“Hi, Brenda, this is Andy. I need an attorney. I’ve been busted.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but I’m sure we can help. KillMeNow specializes in not being picky at all in who we represent.”
“Uh, thanks, I think.”
“So I can assist you further, can you tell me why you’re behind bars?”
“Well, it’s sort of embarrassing. [click to continue…]
by Andy Wood on October 9, 2009
This is what government does.
The distant sidewalk: built to code when the dentists built their exquisite office next door.
The near sidewalk: also built to code two years later on our site.
I’m sure to somebody in an office somewhere, the changes made sense at the time.
I’m also sure that somebody in that office will decide that one of us (probably us) has to fix the problem.
At our expense, of course.
Multiply this times trillions, and you’ll understand why some people are wary of the Federal government.
Not sure that’s what they meant by “promoting domestic tranquility.”
by Andy Wood on January 14, 2009
Imagine the looks and the laughs. You’re a servant – socially, a nobody. You own no property, have little-to-no money. On a busy city sidewalk, you are nameless and faceless.
And yet here you are, in the local real estate office, looking for investment properties.
Or maybe sitting around the local JerusaBucks, sipping on a latte and asking some of the locals about business opportunities or stock market preferences.
You’re a legend in your own mind. But if anyone knew you, they’d laugh you out the door.
Version 2.0
Imagine the awkwardness and anguish. You’re a servant – socially a nobody. You own no property, have little-to-no money. On a busy city sidewalk… well, you get it.
And yet here you are, being asked by the most powerful man you know, to look out for part of his money – more money than you’ve ever seen, much less ever held in your hand.
Echoes of your parents’ proverbs still ring in your ear – stuff like, “A fool and his money are soon parted.”
Can’t he find someone else for the job? This is risky business, and you’re no risk taker.
Isn’t there some hole somewhere…?
Above Your Pay Grade?
How do you handle assignments that are, in the words of the president-elect, “above your pay grade?” [click to continue…]
by Andy Wood on August 5, 2008
It was one of the most significant turning points in Israel’s history. A day when elders behaved like spoiled children – deciding what they wanted, then fitting the problem to their solution. A day that set their course for hundreds of years. An event that, prompted by fear and ambition, abandoned the character and calling of a nation. And yet, compared to other great events in the family-nation’s remarkable history, this day is seldom remembered.
In a time when influence was wielded by men and women who knew and walked with God, Israel’s leaders wanted more.
They wanted to be like everybody else.
“Give us a king,” they said.
Samuel didn’t like it, and took it personally. “Relax,” God says. “They’re rejecting Me, not you. But now you know how I feel.”
Human nature tends to swing between two extremes:
[click to continue…]
