Corie, Carrie, Cassie, and Kara on the Charles Bridge in Prague, 2005. All were back together again for Kara's wedding this weekend in Ft. Worth.
1. Yes indeed, a washer and dryer will fit inside a conversion van if you take the middle seats out.
2. Driving said conversion van automatically lowers your driver’s IQ by about 30 points.
3. Apparently I was right at home; Dallas/Ft. Worth was the host to an Idiot Drivers Convention this weekend.
4. If a nighttime idiot driver in DFW makes you mad, it’s probably not a good idea to get behind him and turn on your bright lights.
5. If you make a nighttime idiot driver in DFW mad by turning on your bright lights in his mirror, and he decides to retaliate… for 15 minutes… it’s probably best just to declare him the winner. [click to continue…]
Here are seven more random things I’ve had in my oven lately. Did I mention it’s really random?
Why is it that some people can believe the gospel or trust God simply and quickly, and others require more… either convincing or extended confession? It’s all about what it takes to activate their faith.
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First sign your wife may not be ready to give a statement at the accident scene: When asked by the EMT if she knew who the president was, she said, “Osama bin Laden… No… Wait… That’s not right… I don’t remember – I just know I don’t like him.” (She’s doing fine now.) [click to continue…]
Raise those tray tables, buckle that seat belt (that you wouldn’t have known how to do without that handy demonstration), and turn off that portable electronic device! Hanukkah Hams is taking off again.
In case you missed any of the previous editions, a Hannukah Ham is an episode of brilliance in the blooper reel of life – leaving us all to ask… “What were they thinking?”
In celebration of the fact that tomorrow I’ll be enjoying that living enema called commercial airline travel (flying to ‘Bama for a week), this edition of Hanukkah Hams takes you past the ticket agents, through security, by the food court, and into the pressurized metal tube.
The problem, friends, is NOT a shortage of material. [click to continue…]
If you’re in church leadership, you know the challenge of weekly developing an experience that’s creative, energetic, uplifting, anointed (gotta be anointed), and most important of all – as cool as the church down the street.
It’s a daunting task.
Fortunately, the folks at Northpoint in Atlanta have produced a resource that will change your life and revolutionize your church.
Or at least give you a laugh, as they spoof themselves.
Check out the video below, follow the easy-to-understand template, and you’ll be renting your city auditorium in no-time, just to keep up with the masses who are flooding in.
Dear Nurse Ratched,
I just thought I should let you know that in the event I’m having symptoms of a heart attack or stroke, I probably won’t be signing in.
I’ll be more concerned about checking out.
Of course, the whole stroke thingy is a bit dicey anyway, ‘cause I have a 50/50 chance of being unable to use my left (writing) hand.
And if I think I’m having a heart attack, I’ll assure you, you won’t be able to read my writing.
You’ll just have to open the door and say,
“Mr. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH, the doctor will see you now.”
(Photo by Mike Tekula)
Today’s guest post is by Leonard Grimm. Leonard has been a deacon in three of my churches in the old days (he was stalking me), and is my favorite axe-grinder. As you can tell, he has a bit of a different idea about forgiveness. Actually, Leonard has a different idea about a lot of things.
Leonard has issues. Lots of ‘em. But in the interest of equal time and continuing the uh, discussion, here’s Leonard.
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Get a bunch of Christians and other religious people like me together, and somebody will eventually start talking about forgiving your neighbor, “seventy times seven,” and all that stuff. Well, I’m here to tell you, that’s a buncha hooey. If you’re pouting, shouting, or planning your next attack, hang in there and stay the course. Here are 10 reasons you should rethink all that forgiveness stuff:
1. It still hurts.
Just because you send the jerk on his merry way doesn’t mean his offenses don’t hurt anymore. And if you’re still hurting, why should he get off scott free? I think you need to remind his sorry soul every time you’re having a bad day.
2. It sends the message that you approve of what they did.
So the dirtbag comes along and says, “I’m sorry,” and you say, “Oh, it’s okay” with that sugar-sweet churchy voice. We all know what that means – “It’s really not that bad. I know you didn’t mean to drive drunk, cheat, steal or lie. I’ve probably done worse that.” Puh-leeze! You just signed his hall pass to do it all over again. [click to continue…]
I hated Ann Finch.
Three times she sent me to the principal’s office, and two of those times I emerged with a butt-on-fire.
One time she made me stay after school in an Ann-imposed detention. I lied to my mother and told her I needed to stay late because of band. When she picked me up, who should be walking out of the building but Miss Finch? She tattled on me, and then it was double trouble.
Once I ended the grading period with an 89.4 average. She gave me a “B” for the quarter. One lousy stinking tenth of a point! Too bad. She wouldn’t budge.
I liked Ann Finch.
Probably for the wrong reasons, but I liked her nonetheless. She was so easy to pick on. [click to continue…]
Often imitated, never duplicated.
It could alter traffic, change work schedules, and send us into bone-chilled terror. When we weren’t busting out laughing.
I’m talking about “The Look.”
Mama copped to it – even called it “The JoAnne Look.”
My most recent encounter with it came last October when we were sitting in the lobby of Providence Hospital waiting for my dad to get a test. Secluded in a waiting area, we could hear somebody on the other side setting up some sort of display by dragging eight-foot tables with an annoying racket. Especially annoying if you had a bad headache, as Mama did.
I could see it coming.
Those poor people had no idea.
Dear God, here comes The Look. [click to continue…]
Q. – Dad, why do you wait until Christmas Eve to do your Christmas Shopping?
A. – Because the stores are closed on Christmas Day.
Christmas has its own unique mashup of truth and myths, and every year somebody ultimately brings up both. I was asked on one occasion what my favorite Christmas myth was. I’d like to share my reply with you.
My favorite Christmas myth has nothing to do with Nativity scenes, jolly little fat men, or reindeer with nuclear sinus infections.
It has to do with people. [click to continue…]
Tomorrow gun season begins for deer hunters in my home state. And what better way to celebrate than with another round of Hanukkah Hams! In case you’ve missed previous editions, allow me to explain. Hanukkah Hams are glorious acts of intelligence-gone-south. Ideas that seemed to make perfectly good sense at the time, but leave you asking, “Huh? What was I thinking?
In honor of my shotgun-totin’ four wheelin’ Bambi-chaser friends in Alabama and beyond, this edition of Hanukkah Hams takes to the woods or the marshes, the fields and even the lakes to remind you – the Second Amendment protects your right to bear arms. But thousands of other laws exist to protect the deer, the antelope, and apparently every other known species known to man.
And frankly, all of this gets confusing. I mean, really, did you actually read all those regulations when you got your license? I just look for the dates when the shells and fur can start flying.
What’s more, everything varies from state to state, and even region to region. So we here at the Hanukkah Hams Research Institute sought the help of a recognized expert.
Couldn’t find one of those.
So we checked with local Game Warden Burney Fife, who seemed to have a surprising amount of knowledge on the subject. Here’s an excerpt from our interview: [click to continue…]
