(Forgiveness Laboratories, Inc. – Part 2)
In our last episode, we were left in a place called Forgiveness Laboratories, Inc. where Joe Jacobson, the owner and founder, was explaining some of their findings. And he was about to share something about forgiveness that I had never seen before. If you haven’t read the previous post, I would encourage you to do that first…
Joe said, “Our greatest discovery happened when we combined what we call Formula 432 with Element 118.”
“Sounds very chemical,” I said.
“Aw, just lab talk,” Joe said with a smile. “One of our guys used to be a youth pastor.”
“Say no more,” I said.
“Formula 432 is actually Ephesians 4:32. We learned it as kids in church:
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
“I noticed that on the wall in your lobby,” I said.
“Then you probably also noticed Element 118 on the other wall,” said Joe. It’s from Isaiah 1:18:
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.”
“When our researchers combined these two truths, we made a breakthrough discovery about forgiveness.”
“What’s that?” I asked, intrigued.
“We are to forgive as God in Christ has forgiven us. But how does God forgive? Among other things, he calls us in Isaiah to a place of ‘reasoning.’”
Joe was getting excited.
“God says, ’Let’s talk this out – think this through.’ Forgiveness requires the same thing.”
“In other words, talk out the hurt or angry feelings?”
“Exactly,” Joe said. “It isn’t enough to casually look at someone else’s offenses or our anger and summarily dismiss them. That’s where a lot of Christians misunderstand forgiveness. Sure, it would be great if you could ‘just forget it.’ But you can’t. There must be a reasoning – an accounting of the feelings or offenses.
“So in our research with people, we ask them to answer the accounting question: What did they do, and how did it make you feel?
“And here’s the catch – they can’t use ‘angry’ or ‘bitter’ as one of their answers. We ask them to look beneath the surface of the anger and identify as closely they can the ‘first feelings.’”
Joe pulled a couple of 3×5 cards from his pocket. One had written on it: “It made me feel stressed when he called on me to answer the question.” The other said, “It made me feel stupid when she ridiculed what I bought.”
“So does this help?” I asked.
“By itself, no,” Joe said. “But when we ask the ‘tenderhearted’ question, it does.”
“The tenderhearted question?”
“Yes. Being tenderhearted means trying to feel what the other person felt. We ask our clients to consider, what did you do, and how do you think it made him/her feel? Here are a couple of examples.”
Joe showed me two other cards: “It made her stressed when I became angry over money.” And, “It made him feel rejected when I criticized him in public.”
“What about when the pain is one-sided?” I asked. “Like from a parent, when the kid didn’t do anything to deserve the hurt?”
“Good question,” Joe said smiling, again anticipating. “When the hurt is one-sided, we guide them to ask the Lord to reveal to them the pain that their offender may have encountered from others. That doesn’t justify their sins, but it may help the client empathize.”
“So you’re saying that when we account for our wrongs, and empathize with the offender, this produces forgiveness?”
“Almost,” Joe said. “Truth is, we had known of these things for years. But we discovered another element in our Formula 432 that made all the difference. Do you know what anger and forgiveness have in common?”
“What’s that?”
“They both require a sin-bearer,” Joe said with delighted passion.
“Paul uses the words ‘God in Christ’ to describe forgiveness. The way I can forgive others is by first confessing my own sin to the Lord. Jesus has already borne that sin. I simply acknowledge it and receive again his cleansing and forgiveness.
“Then I look at my feelings of anger and bitterness toward my offender(s). Rather than trying to blame, I simply assign her actions to the cross and let God sort them out. It’s a spiritual reasoning/accounting process that has a powerful emotional result.”
“So what if your clients aren’t ready to go there?” I asked. Trying to mask my own issues, I added: “There are a lot of deep wounds out there.”
“We present our clients with a sensitive choice: Who will bear the sins committed against you, and the pain you still carry? When a person holds on to the bitterness they carry, they are choosing to bear the sins of their offender(s).”
Joe paused, letting that sink in.
“There’s just one problem with being the sin-bearer for someone else – you aren’t capable of doing it and surviving. God knows, you can’t bear your own (none of us can) – why should you expect to bear the weight of someone else’s?
Something about the expression on my face must have told Joe to pause again. This was heavy stuff.
“This is the point where we recognize that every transgression that causes us pain is a sin that Jesus died for. Whether of not your offenders ever repent of or express remorse for their actions, Jesus nevertheless died for them. It may be of no benefit to your offenders, but the death of Jesus for their transgressions can change your life and heart forever… if you will choose in your heart to let Jesus carry your hurts instead of you.”
“Hmmm. I think I have some accounting to do,” I said quietly.
“We hear that a lot,” Joe said with a kind smile. “Would you like a couple of index cards?”
Taking them, I asked, “So Joe, the whole thing about ‘The FG”… is that former-youth-pastor-code for forgiveness?”
“Gracie came up with that,” Joe said. “She said The FG is the place where she discovered free Grace. Get it?”
“Yeah, I get it. In more ways than one.”
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Very, very captivating storyline. I immediatly got sucked into the story as soon as I began reading. I think you have a wonderful posting here. I very much enjoyed reading the depth of the issue you cover, forgivness. I think we often forget how much fits into the puzzle that forgivness is, there are many pieces to place together to make it happen. I think this shows in incredible clairity how complex forgiveness is. It definatly serves as a delightful reminder of how we must not rush into forgivness, but take time to cover all our bases and ensure it is heartfelt and genuine.
Thanks Andy. Much needed.