The Twelve Ways of Christmas, Part 3: The Way of Hardship
“This won’t be easy, Erin.”
“I know. It quit being easy three weeks ago,” Erin replied.
“You know I can’t guarantee we will have a scholarship still available if you change your mind.”
“Give it to somebody who can use it. I think it’s gonna be a while,” said Erin in a voice both hollowed by grief and steeled by determination.
Those words still hung in Erin’s heart as the elevator doors closed to mirror her 32-weeks-pregnant frame – and to part company with the destiny she once had been sure lay before her.
For Erin Lucas, life had taken a vicious turn. Always an honors student, a Pre-med Junior majoring in Biochemistry at LSU, Erin had taken up what looked like permanent residence on the President’s List. And she had overcome considerable obstacles to do it.
Raised (if you would call it that) in a dysfunctional home, Erin had last seen her father at age 16. Her mother had done the best she could to provide for Erin and her sister, often working two jobs to make ends meet – not an easy task for a middle-aged woman in south Mississippi with just a high-school education. But it was worth the sacrifice and grief to see to it that Erin and Emily would get a college degree in a high-paying field.
Did I mention that Mama was a bit of a controller?
You can imagine the, “concern” Erin encountered when she brought Donnie Lucas home from Baton Rouge over Christmas break during Erin’s freshman year. Maybe you can picture the horror the next Thanksgiving when Erin showed off her modest engagement ring, and announced they were planning to be married at Spring Break. Maybe you can understand why, though everyone pretended to be civil, the tension between Erin and the rest of her family was nothing short of icy. And when Donnie and Erin announced the near-Christmas arrival of Baby-Makes-Three, Mama was done. Despite Erin’s assurances that her med school plans were still on track, her mother’s tirade left little doubt that she felt anything but betrayed.
Donnie and Erin pressed on, determined to make the most of the financial challenges, morning sickness, 17-hour class load and estranged family relationships. They had love, they had each other, and somewhere filed away, they had some measure of faith in God. Together they would make it as they prepared for the arrival of their son Davey.
A telephone pole had other ideas.
Returning alone from a late victory celebration near Tiger Stadium, Donnie fell asleep at the wheel just long enough to veer off the road. He clung to life for another 36 hours, but despite every desperate prayer and heroic medical efforts, Donnie died on a Monday afternoon in early October.
As the elevator doors parted, Erin walked out toward the parking lot. It seemed so odd to use a word – widow – that she had reserved for old women. For three weeks she had been pounded with advice from well-meaning people that would have made Job’s friends seem like Dr. Phil. Though the strategies varied, the advice all had a common theme: return to the life of a doctor-in-the-making. Some people advocated putting Davey up for adoption. Others recommended she find some in-home help. Whatever it took to make the pursuit of a medical career easier.
As the realities began to set in, and Erin considered her options, one sober fact became increasingly clear – she could not maintain the life of a medical student and that of the single mother of an infant. So with determination and courage beyond her years, Erin made the toughest decision of her life: David Alan Lucas would have his first Christmas in the loving arms of his mother. And by whatever sacrifices or service necessary, though he would never know his father, he would be raised by a mother who would love him enough for them both.
Joseph and the Way of Hardship
Ever since the birth of Jesus, Christmas has had a way of spotlighting how tough things can be. I don’t think anybody in the original story experienced the Way of Hardship more than Joseph, the carpenter from Nazareth. One day he was betrothed to the girl he would love for a lifetime. The next day he was on the precipice of a humiliating scandal of someone else’s making. Asked to raise a “fatherless” son who would be referred to as the “bastard son of the carpenter,” Joseph found his plans turned awry, his income slashed, and his family forced to journey to Bethlehem for tax purposes. Running for his life, he spent two years in Egypt (of all places). The Bible is silent regarding how he may have found work for two years before returning to face the whispers and the re-launch of his business in Nazareth.
The Way of Hardship? I think so.
The Way Through
The Way of Hardship soberly tells us that the way out is the way through. Instinctively, we search for the escape hatch when the road gets rough. Joseph was no exception. Faced with a crisis pregnancy and feelings of both love and betrayal, he instinctively chose a quiet divorce as the simplest way out.
Nice try. God had other ideas. “This is all part of My plan,” the angel told Joseph in a dream. What the angel didn’t say was that God had set up a trust fund at the Nazareth Credit Union, sent out a personally-signed birth announcement to the town gossips, or friended Herod on Facebook. The road ahead looked ominous. But the way out was the way through, guided and protected by the Lord Himself.
The next time you’re facing the Way of Hardship, pay attention to the escape instinct. And remember, we are always the slaves to whomever or whatever we look to for peace.
Relationships vs. Circumstances
On the Way of Hardship, you have a choice. What’s more important – circumstances or relationships? Ultimately you can choose to believe the circumstances or you can choose to focus on relationship instead. And the distinction between the two is huge. Circumstances may detour, distract, or even devastate you. But relationships define you. We know precious little about Joseph, but one thing is always true: wherever you found him, Mary was nearby. . And when push came to shove, this man was willing to suspend his own agenda and think first about the needs of the people he loved.
Why would Erin put a promising education and career on hold? Because of relationships – namely her relationship with the son who needed her. It would doubtless be a Way of Hardship. But Erin counted the cost. So should we. No amount of difficulty, pain, or pressure should lead us to sacrifice the relationships that are most important to us. Your relationships may appear to be the cause of your hardships. No matter; they are also the key to smoothing out the Way of Hardship.
Think through your options, but act on your dreams
Like Mary, Joseph was a thinker. And faced with the Way of Hardship, Joseph began thinking things through. But three times an angel appeared to him in a dream to give Joseph perspective and direction he needed it most. In Joseph’s first dream, the Lord revealed His own dream. “She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21).
Talk about beginning with the end in mind! God wanted Joseph to see the Ultimate Plan – the driving purpose behind all this. In doing so, He was showing Joseph that He was trustworthy. So when an angel later said, “Your baby is in danger – run to Egypt,” Joseph wasn’t asking a bunch of questions. No one would have predicted that Jesus would have spent his first two years in the scene of Israel’s former bondage. But in light of His mission to set us all free, doesn’t that make a bit of poetic sense?
On the Way of Hardship, you are caught in a tension between seeing the ultimate goal or destination (the Dream) and responding quickly to detours or dangers along the way. It takes great discernment, teachability, and flexibility to adjust along the way.
Did I mention… nobody said this would be easy? But the fact that the Son of God has invaded the world with love and grace makes it ultimately clear: He never intended us to walk the Way of Hardship alone. He has turned the Way of Hardship into a pathway to glory.
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Alone now in an otherwise empty house, Erin Lucas stares at Donnie’s last gift to her – a Christmas ornament that says, “Baby’s First Christmas.” With tears in her eyes, an open Bible beside her, a kicking boy in her womb, and trembling hands, she reaches for the phone.
“Mamma?” she says, “I know you’ll probably be disappointed in me. But I need your support.”
Merry Christmas, Erin. It’s gonna be Okay.
